Archive for the ‘Shitty Video game Reviewers’ Category

A few weeks ago I was surfing YouTube looking for some new videos to blog about, and I came across something that really shocked me. It seems our friend Retrogamer3 has created a new channel called “The Welfare Gamer”. Actually, let me rephrase that, it was actually called “The Gaming Rapist” but after the HUGE amount of backlash from his “fans” and other YouTube users, he deleted this account, and created the more PC aforementioned channel. Now Ed’s lack of taste has been pretty apparent before, but this is an all new low. I’m not quite sure why he would think something like that is funny in any way, but he’s proven time and time again that he really puts no thought into what he does.

He posted a video on his Retrogamer3 channel as his “Final Farewell” Just to tease us into thinking that he was going to stop making horrible, HORRIBLE videos. Alas, this was only a tease and thus “The Gaming Rapist/Welfare Gamer” was born. Now I’m really confused on who made “Ed” believe that he is a good actor, but the sooner he realize that he is horrible, the better off we shall all be. Unfortunately Ed is an arrogant SOB and obviously clueless, so I’m afraid that will never happen.

Now I would be very interested to know who (if anyone) found that mildly amusing, or funny in any way shape, or form. Ok you gambled away everything, and lost it all. Now you are homeless, living in a shed on welfare? Wow that’s really interesting. Your fake crying really tugged on our heart strings…. god this is horrible. I don’t know how he isn’t embarrassed watching these videos he posts. Why would anyone post something that horrible on the internet? Is this a comedy, or a drama? WTF is it supposed to be??

I also love how he talks about how he doesn’t know how he can continue making videos, when he is obviously shooting the video himself holding the camera…and found some way to post the damn thing to YouTube. I don’t know if he intends this video to be serious, or what. All I know is that it’s neither drama, nor comedy. It just sucks, plan and simple.

So what I gather from this first episode, he’s supposed to be a bum, wandering the streets (of middle class suburbia I might add) scrounging the trash to find retro video games? What the fuck??? The video starts off as him finding Double Dragon 2 for the NES, and go into a shed to “review” the game? He then talks about how he had to break into his “friends” house to upload the damn video to YouTube. Wow man, fucking genius. There isn’t really much I can say about this video. It’s so horrible, it really speaks for itself.

Once he finally gets around to talking about the damn game. (That is the point of a “review” right??) One of the first comments he makes is how he loved the game so much because it was “A Two player Double Dragon” Wow Ed, you prove once again that you know nothing about video games, or Double Dragon. If you had played the first game, you would have realized there was a few two player modes… you are a fucking moron.

Then what might be one of the most unfunny jokes he has ever done, he talks about how one of his female friends left him alone with her daughter, and says “You know what I did with her” and makes a dumb ass face. Once again tasteless humor. Besides Ed, we all know that you don’t have any female friends. You are too much of a fucking loser to have any females that would want to talk, or hang out with you. There are tons of clues on your videos to this fact, but none bigger than the fact that you created a channel called “The game rapist”

He spouts off many incorrect “facts” about Double Dragon 2, as well as the arcade version, but I don’t really have the energy to go through them all. If you care to laugh at them, watch the video for yourself.

The Retrogamer3 shit was bad enough, but this is an all new low Ed. I would actually welcome back the original horrible crap you used to shat out. At least we wouldn’t have to deal with this mess. It has to be one of the worst things I have seen on YouTube in a long, LONG time.

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I know I have said a few times that a certain reviewer is the worst I have ever seen, but I always seem to come up with one that tops it.

This user named khan3550 makes a “review” that is so bad, there isn’t even a whole lot that one can say about it.

During the review he fails to even make one coherent sentence throughout. He fails to show you any of the gameplay, or even a screenshot of the game. He just sits there and mumbles the whole time while he plays a game that you can’t see. You get no info about it…nothing. He just complains about the text and says it’s a bad game. That’s it. Why he hasn’t removed it from YouTube is beyond me. I personally would be embarrassed. He is another person that fails to understand what an actual REVIEW is. You can’t even really call it a “Let’s Play” either because you don’t see him playing it!!!

Aside from listening to him talk, the thing that irritates me the most is that he uses an emulator which any moron can easily record game footage from. Another thing that really irritates me is that he calls it an NES game when it really is a FAMICOM game. I hate how young retro douchebags think that somehow that’s the same thing. It’s a whole different system why would you even confuse that?@!???!?!?!?

Then he complains about the game being in Japanese and how it’s unplayable because of that…….. I don’t even know what to say about that comment.

“THIS ROOM IS AN ILLUSION AND IS A TRAP DEVISUT BY SATAN.
GO AHEAD DAUNTLESSLY! MAKE RAPID PROGRES!”

Sadly for him, it will never happen. It is sad to see how excited he gets over pixelized poon.

I already talked about how horrid his “reviews” are in a previous post, but this really just adds to the embarrassment.

He looks like he is about to blow his load while playing the game. It almost makes you feel uncomfortable watching him play it. Its sad actually.

*Update! 1-25-2011

It has come to my attention that this video has been removed from YouTube. Retrogamer3 must have realized how embarrassing, and horrible this video was, or it was removed for violation of YouTube rules. Either way, we are all better off for having one less crappy YouTube video around wasting bandwidth. Someone really must be looking out for us….

Well, I guess this pretty much affirms that there is an endless supply of shitty Video Game “reviewers” on YouTube. One shittier than the next.

I don’t get how people don’t realize their videos are shit. You would think that they would at least realize this while editing the videos, or watching them before they upload them. Either they don’t care, or they are just fucking dumb. Probably a combination of both.

Another guy that loves to do “Top 10 lists” like anyone actually gives a shit what he thinks. If you are going to do a video like that, you either have to be knowledgeable, or funny. Hopefully a combination of both.

That’s a pretty rare combination for the people who actually make these types of videos though.

He does sum up my opinions on the video in the first 2 mins though, so It makes my job easier.

“Whoa whoa whoa whoa….what are you doing?”

Uh, I’m watching your crappy ass video, and unfortunately, looking at your ugly mug.

“Seriously, why are you watching this video??”

I am asking myself that same question right now….I guess I am a glutton for punishment.

“I mean, doesn’t everyone know exactly what game I’m going to put at number 1?”

Probably, which is reason 100 why this video was pointless to make. Do you realize how ironic it is that you are calling yourself out for making a pointless, horrid, and totally unfunny video? I guess you are into that sort of dumb ass humor.

Top 10 lists are wayyy overdone. You aren’t going to affect anyones opinion about their favorites, and no one except for you, and your friends (if you have any) care about what your favorites are. The only thing these videos accomplish is to start a debate on why this game is better than that game. Which would be better severed posting in some game fag forum where you can fap over your fanboyism.

I really just don’t get this guy. As I have stated before, It’s horribly apparent that he doesn’t know shit about games.

This is one of those times where he takes on an easy target. An unlicensed NES game. OF COURSE IT SUCKS, THAT’S WHY IT’S UNLICENSED.

Oh right, the game came from the depths of hell, and it’s your old “nemesis” My assumption is that this statement is supposed to be “ironic” and “funny” but it’s just fucking lame. I did laugh my ass off when he stated in the beginning of the video that he “played the game for 10 mins before making the video” Yeah, right Stan, you never played the game before, you just chose a random unlicensed NES game and popped it in. Or, maybe that is what you do and that’s why your videos always suck balls. Either way it sounds moronic for you to say that. It’s like reading Twitter or Facebook feeds of someone constantly telling you what they fucking ate for dinner. No one cares.

Then like he says in LITERALLY every video he makes, “This is one of the worst games you will ever see” Oh great, can’t wait to watch you review another game and say “Rhinoceros diarrhea” because that is so original. His description of the Title screen is even more laughable “You have this green dick fucking a wall” Stan, I know I have said this before, but you must be fucking retarded. Anyone looking at that title screen can tell without any doubt that is supposed to be a tentacle. For an unlicensed NES game, the title screen graphics are actually quite clear. You are reaching saying that looks anything like a dick. But maybe you were just hoping that it was a dick since you probably got a stiffy watching it. Oh, and King Neptune isn’t sleeping, as anyone with a brain can obviously see that he is moving….Wow your idiocy really knows no bounds. So now it’s the Jolly green giant raping his house? Did you smoke crack before you recorded this?? You’re really reaching now Stan..

He starts reading the story background that is prominently displayed on the screen, which any literate person can read…oh but wait you say “who gives a fuck” and stop reading it? What was the point in that?

What the fuck did you mean “I don’t know how a flame stains a flame”?? “Happiness is one of those Jewish things that Jewish Lights”?? What the fuck, how did that make the cut, do you even edit your videos? If so, I’d hate to see the outtakes. It sounds like you are doing your research while you are filming the review…way to waste our time.

This is only 1 minute into the review and I want to shoot myself.

Oh, and Stan, why the fuck do you need to yell? You realize that you are talking into a mic, and recording a video right? Your not in some crowded bar douchebag. He’s probably one of those annoying pricks that yells even in a casual conversation.

Conglaturation!!! Stan, You have completed a great game. And prooved the justice of our culture. Now go fuck yourself.

RetroGamer3

Posted: September 1, 2010 in Shitty Video game Reviewers

In an era where video game reviewers are a dime a dozen on YouTube, I bring to your attention RetroGamer3.

This guy is another one of those AVGN “inspired” guys. He even has an AVGN reference in his theme song. Which I might add, is an especially hilarious rap song that needs to be mocked and laughed at. The guys rapping the song are trying to be “hardcore” You will see why it’s so funny when you see their picture at the end.

I ran across this guy awhile back, and laughed when I saw a video of his where he acts like he was one of the first guys ever to blow on an NES cart to make it work. When I called him out on this, he stated “As a Kid, I never saw anyone else do that but me” Really? Well he must live on Saturn or something. Either that, or he actually believes he is some sort of innovator. Anyone that has ever played an NES game, either back then, or now, has done that.

His latest video is a “review” of Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for the NES. I guess he thinks that YouTube doesn’t have enough videos of horrible AVGN clones reviewing this game. Like he has some sort of wit, or insight to share with his viewers that hasn’t already been done a thousand times.

First, he goes into a whole spiel about how thankful he is that YouTube upped their video limit to 15mins. What, like 10 mins isn’t enough for him to shat out his crappy jokes? What do you actually need the extra 5 mins for? Oh that’s right, you love boring the shit out of your viewers. I find it extremely amusing that he proceeds to go OVER the 15 min limit.

Oh, so we are supposed to watch your video because it’s going to be a “marathon” of a game that the AVGN already reviewed? So why do you feel the need to revisit it?

He even has to say James Rolfe in the video…..ugh. We realize you get a hardon just by thinking of the guy, but come on man.

I don’t even know what to say about the part where he goes behind his house to dig something up…and what do you know? It’s the game he is reviewing. I can’t believe that he would put that in his video like someone would actually find that funny, or mildly amusing. Anyone that does, should be kicked in the nuts.

After digging the game up out of his yard, he shows it in the next scene and it’s in MINT condition. Come on man, that’s just lazy. If you are going to go with a lame ass joke, at least have it be consistent.

Let’s see I counted several Diarrhea , dogshit, and Rhinoceros turd comments. How original man. Genius. I guess he doesn’t think that whole Shtick is overdone.

Also, did we really need that whole lame ass montage of you plugging in your NES? Again, boring as fuck, and adds nothing to the actual “review”. Then again, most of these “reviewers” don’t actually understand what the hell a review is. I mean the whole thing takes almost 2 mins, him blowing on the cart, turning it on. Oh it doesn’t work, and repeat. Fuck man, I wanted to fall asleep during that.

He didn’t even have the courtesy to center the camera, or keep it in focus during his review.

Have a look for yourself. Warning: Massive amounts of crap lie ahead.

Mikeyspiky200

Posted: August 31, 2010 in Shitty Video game Reviewers

Well, here is another kid who is reviewing games that he never played. I hate it when kids “review” games that were released before they we born. Especially ones that review games that they think are “Obscure”

He states in the beginning of the video “Before you all watch the video, I have to warn you, that this game is incredibly..shit”

So why the hell would anyone continue watching your crappy video about the game then? He continues on that as much as he REALLY doesn’t want to play it, he will swallow the shit and do us all a big favor and make a video of him playing it.

He then goes into an explanation on how a car should stop, when he looks like he has little experience driving (if any).  Oh shit, you mean you have to press on the brake? Wow man, what a revelation.  He even acts this out, but instead of using some sort of car, he uses a Wiimote. It’s like watching a little kid play make-believe.

He complains about how the first boss is impossible…but wait, you beat it. So it’s not impossible then? Make up your mind. Just because you find a game is hard, doesn’t mean it’s “impossible” it just means that you aren’t very good at it. Get it straight.

As far as the rest goes, it’s pretty much your standard crappy AVGN clone fare. It’s laughable, just like all the other clones. You watch him play though the game while he bitches and complains. Nothing that resembles a “review” at all. I wonder when these people will understand the difference between a “Let’s play” and a “review” I encourage these people to look up the definition of a review. PLEASE.

He has a quote that will pretty much serve as my question back to him. “What the fuck are you doing, and why the fuck are you doing it?”