The Welfare Gamer? Retrogamer3 transforms…

A few weeks ago I was surfing YouTube looking for some new videos to blog about, and I came across something that really shocked me. It seems our friend Retrogamer3 has created a new channel called “The Welfare Gamer”. Actually, let me rephrase that, it was actually called “The Gaming Rapist” but after the HUGE amount of backlash from his “fans” and other YouTube users, he deleted this account, and created the more PC aforementioned channel. Now Ed’s lack of taste has been pretty apparent before, but this is an all new low. I’m not quite sure why he would think something like that is funny in any way, but he’s proven time and time again that he really puts no thought into what he does.

He posted a video on his Retrogamer3 channel as his “Final Farewell” Just to tease us into thinking that he was going to stop making horrible, HORRIBLE videos. Alas, this was only a tease and thus “The Gaming Rapist/Welfare Gamer” was born. Now I’m really confused on who made “Ed” believe that he is a good actor, but the sooner he realize that he is horrible, the better off we shall all be. Unfortunately Ed is an arrogant SOB and obviously clueless, so I’m afraid that will never happen.

Now I would be very interested to know who (if anyone) found that mildly amusing, or funny in any way shape, or form. Ok you gambled away everything, and lost it all. Now you are homeless, living in a shed on welfare? Wow that’s really interesting. Your fake crying really tugged on our heart strings…. god this is horrible. I don’t know how he isn’t embarrassed watching these videos he posts. Why would anyone post something that horrible on the internet? Is this a comedy, or a drama? WTF is it supposed to be??

I also love how he talks about how he doesn’t know how he can continue making videos, when he is obviously shooting the video himself holding the camera…and found some way to post the damn thing to YouTube. I don’t know if he intends this video to be serious, or what. All I know is that it’s neither drama, nor comedy. It just sucks, plan and simple.

So what I gather from this first episode, he’s supposed to be a bum, wandering the streets (of middle class suburbia I might add) scrounging the trash to find retro video games? What the fuck??? The video starts off as him finding Double Dragon 2 for the NES, and go into a shed to “review” the game? He then talks about how he had to break into his “friends” house to upload the damn video to YouTube. Wow man, fucking genius. There isn’t really much I can say about this video. It’s so horrible, it really speaks for itself.

Once he finally gets around to talking about the damn game. (That is the point of a “review” right??) One of the first comments he makes is how he loved the game so much because it was “A Two player Double Dragon” Wow Ed, you prove once again that you know nothing about video games, or Double Dragon. If you had played the first game, you would have realized there was a few two player modes… you are a fucking moron.

Then what might be one of the most unfunny jokes he has ever done, he talks about how one of his female friends left him alone with her daughter, and says “You know what I did with her” and makes a dumb ass face. Once again tasteless humor. Besides Ed, we all know that you don’t have any female friends. You are too much of a fucking loser to have any females that would want to talk, or hang out with you. There are tons of clues on your videos to this fact, but none bigger than the fact that you created a channel called “The game rapist”

He spouts off many incorrect “facts” about Double Dragon 2, as well as the arcade version, but I don’t really have the energy to go through them all. If you care to laugh at them, watch the video for yourself.

The Retrogamer3 shit was bad enough, but this is an all new low Ed. I would actually welcome back the original horrible crap you used to shat out. At least we wouldn’t have to deal with this mess. It has to be one of the worst things I have seen on YouTube in a long, LONG time.

What is the deal with Machinima??…and for that matter, all YouTube Call of Duty Commentators

If you frequent YouTube and you play video games, you most likely have heard of the Machinima and Machinimarespawn channels. The majority of their videos are Call of Duty and Halo kill videos, and commentaries. These channels have hundreds of thousands of subscribers and to be totally honest, I have no idea why. Even taking into account the simple fact that these games are widely popular, I don’t understand how people can listen to more than 10 seconds of any of their videos.

(Notice how many times this guy calls people a “faggot”? If he is so good, why does he keep coming up with excuses on why he died?)

The first problem being that none of these videos actually teach you anything. The majority of the time they make dumb ass comments or do the usual “Live” douche speak/trash talk. Then you have the guys who’s lives are so boring that they resort to talking about their damn day. So again, what is the appeal? I’m watching your channel to listen to the same dumb ass stuff I can hear online? Why would I watch you play Death Matches online, when I could just go and play the damn game myself, and hear the same exact ignorant crap I am hearing in your video? Then, if you actually make a comment on the video about the poor quality….watch out because all of the fan boys will be out to lynch you. How can you defend that? They play a fucking video game and talk to you because they are lonely, and most likely have no lives outside of “pwning noobs” on xbox live/PSN.

The second problem is that none of these videos are produced particularly well. The sound quality is always poor, the editing is atrocious, and there is almost ALWAYS some lame guy that does not have a voice to properly commentate anything, let alone make a video like that interesting.

Then, you have the biggest problem. The guys whom are the self-proclaimed “masters” of whatever FPS they are commentating about. These guys sit there and ramble on and on during the entire length of the video on how good they are. They then proceed to show you that they really aren’t that great at the game while getting killed repeatedly. Then they try to make excuses about how their team sucks, or the other team is doing something to cheat them out of showing you their greatness. How can a person that is supposed to be a “master” of that particular game post a video where they are playing like crap, but talking about how good they are? They obviously must not realize how stupid that makes them look. Otherwise they probably wouldn’t post those videos….right?

What’s even worse is that these people take the games so seriously that they take all the enjoyment out of it. Instead of playing a game because it’s fun, it becomes an obsession for them.

If you make a living posting these videos then good for you. I just don’t get how people can watch the drivel that these “commentators” shat out. It seems like a new Call of Duty or Halo commentary channel starts every two mins. These people think that they are going to get rich quick, or make a name for themselves…but soon reality will hit them that no one really gives a crap about their small channel, and Machinima already has the market so flooded, that they will never make a dent in that market. I hate to break it to the people that have newer channels in this genre, you ARE NOT going to become millionaires.

(This video is especially horrible because the guy basically admits in the beginning that he has no idea that Hanoi is a city in Vietnam, and was too lazy to type Hanoi into Google)

If you are someone that is subscribed to any of these “commentary” channels, I have a few simple questions for you. Why? What is the appeal?

I think khan3550 was drunk or stoned when he made this video….

I know I have said a few times that a certain reviewer is the worst I have ever seen, but I always seem to come up with one that tops it.

This user named khan3550 makes a “review” that is so bad, there isn’t even a whole lot that one can say about it.

During the review he fails to even make one coherent sentence throughout. He fails to show you any of the gameplay, or even a screenshot of the game. He just sits there and mumbles the whole time while he plays a game that you can’t see. You get no info about it…nothing. He just complains about the text and says it’s a bad game. That’s it. Why he hasn’t removed it from YouTube is beyond me. I personally would be embarrassed. He is another person that fails to understand what an actual REVIEW is. You can’t even really call it a “Let’s Play” either because you don’t see him playing it!!!

Aside from listening to him talk, the thing that irritates me the most is that he uses an emulator which any moron can easily record game footage from. Another thing that really irritates me is that he calls it an NES game when it really is a FAMICOM game. I hate how young retro douchebags think that somehow that’s the same thing. It’s a whole different system why would you even confuse that?@!???!?!?!?

Then he complains about the game being in Japanese and how it’s unplayable because of that…….. I don’t even know what to say about that comment.

“THIS ROOM IS AN ILLUSION AND IS A TRAP DEVISUT BY SATAN.
GO AHEAD DAUNTLESSLY! MAKE RAPID PROGRES!”

Best Costume EVER!!

Seriously, these people must be the coolest people on the planet. Not only does the costume look cool, but KRANG ACTUALLY MOVES AND TALKS!

So much better than the usual uninspired costumes you see every year.

Check it out and I’m sure you will feel the same way.

You Have REALLY got to be shitting me….

What is the deal with popular media/culture these days? Why does every hero have to be the Brooding “reluctant hero” type? This doesn’t look like superman, it looks like the fucking devil. I thought that this was a joke when I first saw a blurb about it, but apparently it’s not. Yeah, good idea turning Superman into another twilight type douchebag.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some sort of crazed superman fanboy, or a comic book collector by any means…I am just really disliking this trend in popular culture.

RetroGamer3 really needs to get a girlfriend

Sadly for him, it will never happen. It is sad to see how excited he gets over pixelized poon.

I already talked about how horrid his “reviews” are in a previous post, but this really just adds to the embarrassment.

He looks like he is about to blow his load while playing the game. It almost makes you feel uncomfortable watching him play it. Its sad actually.

*Update! 1-25-2011

It has come to my attention that this video has been removed from YouTube. Retrogamer3 must have realized how embarrassing, and horrible this video was, or it was removed for violation of YouTube rules. Either way, we are all better off for having one less crappy YouTube video around wasting bandwidth. Someone really must be looking out for us….

N1ntenOwned….really?

Well, I guess this pretty much affirms that there is an endless supply of shitty Video Game “reviewers” on YouTube. One shittier than the next.

I don’t get how people don’t realize their videos are shit. You would think that they would at least realize this while editing the videos, or watching them before they upload them. Either they don’t care, or they are just fucking dumb. Probably a combination of both.

Another guy that loves to do “Top 10 lists” like anyone actually gives a shit what he thinks. If you are going to do a video like that, you either have to be knowledgeable, or funny. Hopefully a combination of both.

That’s a pretty rare combination for the people who actually make these types of videos though.

He does sum up my opinions on the video in the first 2 mins though, so It makes my job easier.

“Whoa whoa whoa whoa….what are you doing?”

Uh, I’m watching your crappy ass video, and unfortunately, looking at your ugly mug.

“Seriously, why are you watching this video??”

I am asking myself that same question right now….I guess I am a glutton for punishment.

“I mean, doesn’t everyone know exactly what game I’m going to put at number 1?”

Probably, which is reason 100 why this video was pointless to make. Do you realize how ironic it is that you are calling yourself out for making a pointless, horrid, and totally unfunny video? I guess you are into that sort of dumb ass humor.

Top 10 lists are wayyy overdone. You aren’t going to affect anyones opinion about their favorites, and no one except for you, and your friends (if you have any) care about what your favorites are. The only thing these videos accomplish is to start a debate on why this game is better than that game. Which would be better severed posting in some game fag forum where you can fap over your fanboyism.

More Douchebags to laugh at.

There isn’t much to say about a video like this. Some cosplay fags thinking that they are being hilarious by having a “Jizz o’ Meter” I weep at how fucking lame that is. I am all for sexy women, I just don’t understand how so much douche-baggery can be crammed into one video. I mean the series is called “Game Fap” That pretty much tells you how shitty it is without even watching it.

I know that they are preying on the views of losers everywhere that actually fap to this shit, but come on. I can’t even stomach 2 mins of listening to that “host” shat nonsense out. I’m sure he thinks he is pretty awesome…

This guy I am sure has no friends, no life, and will never get a girlfriend that weighs less than 200 pounds.

What a horrible night to have a curse….

I just don’t understand Art…

This picture on Deviantart was brought to my attention by Busy Street:

Be warned, it’s NSFW.

I guess I just don’t understand art. To me this seems like some contrived shit. What the hell is this even supposed to symbolize??

Truthfully, I am probably reading too much into it, and it’s really BS. If that’s the case, then what the hell is the purpose…

I feel dirty…

Here’s the Link to the picture.

StanBurdman spewing more nonsense from his Pie-hole.

I really just don’t get this guy. As I have stated before, It’s horribly apparent that he doesn’t know shit about games.

This is one of those times where he takes on an easy target. An unlicensed NES game. OF COURSE IT SUCKS, THAT’S WHY IT’S UNLICENSED.

Oh right, the game came from the depths of hell, and it’s your old “nemesis” My assumption is that this statement is supposed to be “ironic” and “funny” but it’s just fucking lame. I did laugh my ass off when he stated in the beginning of the video that he “played the game for 10 mins before making the video” Yeah, right Stan, you never played the game before, you just chose a random unlicensed NES game and popped it in. Or, maybe that is what you do and that’s why your videos always suck balls. Either way it sounds moronic for you to say that. It’s like reading Twitter or Facebook feeds of someone constantly telling you what they fucking ate for dinner. No one cares.

Then like he says in LITERALLY every video he makes, “This is one of the worst games you will ever see” Oh great, can’t wait to watch you review another game and say “Rhinoceros diarrhea” because that is so original. His description of the Title screen is even more laughable “You have this green dick fucking a wall” Stan, I know I have said this before, but you must be fucking retarded. Anyone looking at that title screen can tell without any doubt that is supposed to be a tentacle. For an unlicensed NES game, the title screen graphics are actually quite clear. You are reaching saying that looks anything like a dick. But maybe you were just hoping that it was a dick since you probably got a stiffy watching it. Oh, and King Neptune isn’t sleeping, as anyone with a brain can obviously see that he is moving….Wow your idiocy really knows no bounds. So now it’s the Jolly green giant raping his house? Did you smoke crack before you recorded this?? You’re really reaching now Stan..

He starts reading the story background that is prominently displayed on the screen, which any literate person can read…oh but wait you say “who gives a fuck” and stop reading it? What was the point in that?

What the fuck did you mean “I don’t know how a flame stains a flame”?? “Happiness is one of those Jewish things that Jewish Lights”?? What the fuck, how did that make the cut, do you even edit your videos? If so, I’d hate to see the outtakes. It sounds like you are doing your research while you are filming the review…way to waste our time.

This is only 1 minute into the review and I want to shoot myself.

Oh, and Stan, why the fuck do you need to yell? You realize that you are talking into a mic, and recording a video right? Your not in some crowded bar douchebag. He’s probably one of those annoying pricks that yells even in a casual conversation.

Conglaturation!!! Stan, You have completed a great game. And prooved the justice of our culture. Now go fuck yourself.